I went to a funeral the other day. It was for a lady called Mary. I have known Mary my whole life. Her children babysat me and lead my Sunday School classes, I was then friends with thier children and the circles go on and on.
I heard about Mary’s funeral and wondered whether I should go or not. I thought about all the connections I had with this lovely lady and all of her descendants over many, many years and realised that I was being given a chance to celebrate in a life well lived.
Mary passed away in her sleep at 90. She had not been very well for a long while and was certainly ready to be in heaven. Her children were lovingly by her bedside up until hours before she slipped quietly away.
I went to the funeral telling myself I would not cry. I was going to remember a lovely family and to show a bit of support to long lost friends. The service was lovely. Reverent with just the right amount of irreverance, a Dutch speciality. The obilgitory photo powerpoint at the end of weddings and grandchildren, swimsuits and hairstyles, holidays and picnics had us laughing and ooohing. It was lovely.
One of Mary’s sons read out a brief history of his mother’s life. Born in Holland, engaged during the war, married at the end of the war, three children, immigrate to Australia, live her, move here, more children, accident here, move here, family death, premature grandchildren, illnesses, business ventures… in a few short minutes, her life was …. summarised.
At the moment, we are thinking some pretty big things around here. Big things. Big grown up things. Words being bantered around are ‘Mortgages’, ‘Insurance’, ‘Commissions’, ‘Adventures’, ‘Possibilities’… On the surface, there appears to be nothing happening, but… you know, plans and preparations and dreams and goals are being bantered about in the undercurrents.
But… in a year, or two or three, this time in our lives will be a blip. A bump. Infact, when it comes time for our children to speak at our funerals, this patch in our lives will not even be mentioned as it hasn’t really affected the children. And really, there is nothing to even notice…. they are just ideas, pieces of fluff, bits of this and that, suspended in time.
It has helped to have things put into perspective. Funerals are good like that. Life is so much bigger than the here and now. It is bigger than the problems yesterday and it is bigger than all the problems tomorrow may bring. I am so thankful for this reminder. I am thankful that I can take a step back from our stuff and know that we will be okay. Things will settle for us. Things will work out just fine.
I spoke to one of the daughters after the funeral and was kind of suprised when she said that she wasn’t sad. She was relieved. I have been thinking about this too. When you have lived a long and lovely life, and your last days have been in discomfort, pain and confusion; when you have seen your children change from being cared for to being carers; when you have seen your grandchildren have children and live thier lives well – passing on would not seem so hard. Being able to see the legacy you have begun continue in good hands would be so wonderful.
The challenge for me is to continue to sow into the here and now, to enjoy my children and my friends and my family. To ensure my children have good stories to tell at my funeral, with just the right amount of irreverence. To know that I will be leaving my children well equipped to look after the next generation. To leave a legacy.
Just like Mary did.
Thankful Thursday I love the way you make me think…
Want more thankfulness? Head over to Kate Says Stuff for more Thankful Thursday posts…
This is really beautiful B, it’s so true that we have to put things in perspective. The things that crowd our mind today will be nothing in a week, month or year.
Workingwomenaus recently posted..Getting organised and clearing my mind
Thanks Kim…
It is good to have a bit of a reality check and to remember to just live and love and laugh.
Thanks for stopping by.
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
Beautiful post, I just love it. There is something a little bit uplifting about a funeral for someone that has lived a long and happy life, it’s very different than say a funeral for someone taken too soon. I understand that feeling of relief when someone has passed too, it could be said that my Grandmother was taken too soon, but after all the illness, pain and suffering it was really good to know that she was finally pain-free and up there talking God’s ear off! Same with my Grandfather, her husband. The last couple of years of his life were ravaged by Alzheimers and so when he finally passed, again it was a relief, to know that he was now with Grandma, his body and mind restored, spending the rest of eternity together. At my Grandmother’s funeral I gave a eulogy and included this quote that she had said to me a few years before her death and it really stuck with me. “When you were born you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die, the world cries, and you rejoice”.
Kylie…aka…Mrs.P recently posted..This post proudly bought to you by Nurofen for Kids
What a great quote!
Funerals are for those of us alive to be reminded of what life is about – the loved one who has passed away is having a hoot and probably very glad to be free of the trappings of earth!
We went to the funeral of someone who committed suicide, it was awful. My throat was raw afterwards, the emotion and the loss and the pain was just so intense…. Mary’s funeral was simple and beautiful. So glad I took the time to go.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate you taking the time.
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
Lovely post B – you are so right about funerals helping you to put things into perspective.
I love that quote that you have at the beginning of your post – so very true !!
Have a great day living in the here and now creating for the future !
Me
Me recently posted..Thankful Thursday
Thanks Linda… It is so good to realise that life is good and I really need to get on and live it!
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
Great post B. What a lesson to learn, and thanks for sharing. I would be happy to make it to 90 and pass away in my sleep, having lived a long and fulfilling life.
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..A Superficial Thankful Thursday
Same… And I want this for my parents too…
Life is good. Really.
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
There is so much to be learned about a person at their funeral. I hope mine is tasteful. I’m so glad Mary didn’t linger in pain. Nobody should need to go through that, especially someone who has been lucky enough to make it all the way to 90.
Melissa(Bright Side Up) recently posted..Anxiety: The Dark Cloud
Mary had a rough last 10 years with Alzheimer’s and other ailments, she soldiered on to 90 despite this…
I hope my children can share lots of funny stories, which means I need to chillax and have some fun with them! Things have been feeling really intense around here lately. Glad it is holidays and we can invest in some memory making!
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
This is a very touching post. It reminds me very much of my own grandmother’s funeral 3 years ago. She passed away at 98 and was more than ready to go. I wasn’t really sad because she’d had a fantastic innings, although her last 10 runs were a hard slog indeed. Nevertheless when the story of her life was retold I cried my eyes out. Her life and her love for my late grandfather seemed so epic.
I looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
Love Mumabulous
Mumabulous recently posted..It’s All About YOU!
Thanks Mumabulous! NIce to have you pop on over!
Funerals are set up to make you cry don’t you think? Flowers, solemness, beautiful words, memories… I always brace myself. I am such a softie, I cry when I see someone else cry!
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
I appreciated this post a lot B. Oma had an amazing, adventurous life & like you I have loved looking back on her life this week as more than the what the past 10 years have been – pain & dementia. It does make you take stock of your life and think a little bit about looking back in 50 or so years. In some ways the little stuff doesn’t matter but in others… it is the sum of our lives. I think its a delicate balance in between both the big and the everyday. xo
I agree… the little things added up over time create a life.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, I know that this was YOUR Oma, and YOUR family event, but… I was so glad to be there and to just have the chance to sit and reflect on what is important in life.
Your Oma leaves a lovely family behind…
XX
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
B, this is a lovely post. It made me cry but also thank God that my mother left me a legacy that can never be taken away from me, Faith in Jesus that will sustain me till it is my time to rejoice eternally !!!!Thank You! J.P.
Oh Aunty Jane…
I was not sure whether to publish this – but – after reading your comment I am glad I did.
I am glad I got to catch up with you on Tuesday, it was such a lovely celebration of a lovely life. I have lots of memories of your parents and of you guys and of all the grandchildren; it felt like a youth group reunion to me!
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I love that you took the time.
B recently posted..Fashion: What I Wore:: Wednesday – Verily Edition
The saddest funeral I went to was just to accompany a friend who’d lost an uncle she’d barely known. Her mum was the man’s only family and she was going to support her mother. My friend had only met him in recently years and helped get him into a home – just weeks before he died. Before that he lived in a caravan park with a mate.
The ONLY people at the funeral (just a graveside service) were my friend and her mum and his friend from the caravan park and his daughter to support him. It was so sad.
I am worried my funeral will be like that. Sparse. Like my life.
My dad passed away in October last year and the large church in our hometown was full. The wake after was well-attended and he even got a half page obituary written about him in the local paper.
I’m pretty sure everyone ‘matters’ but perhaps some matter more than most. (And that is something we have control over!).
Deb
Deb recently posted..Credit where it’s due
Beautiful. Just beautiful. And exactly what I needed to read right here, right now. Thank you, B. xx
Sonia @ Shop Me Chic recently posted..A Chic Feature: Shabby Sisters