Today is RUOK? day. The day when you are meant to ask people if they are in fact, OK. It is a day of building community by checking in with those around you. Just to see if they are okay…
I have only just had internet for the past hour or so, so I have not been able to check out how everyone is going in my onliney kind of world. The funny thing is, that no one checked up on me either.
This is surprising to me…
Why?
I have been through Post Natal Depression twice.
I think I have general all round Depression, but, it is worse when I am sleep deprived and with aching bossoms, which only seems to happen when a new baby is around 
I have been pretty open about my Depression and will talk to anyone about it.
I think it is both good and bad that I have not been asked if I am OK… It is good because it means that I must be doing OK. I must be functioning and being social and keeping things in perspective. It is bad because I was not put on the spot and had to answer someone…
I have seen some dark days… Days when things just seemed hopeless. Days when hours blitzed by in seconds. Days when I felt more alone in a crowd than I did on my own. Days when picking up the phone to talk to someone was harder than sitting alone in my thoughts.
This year has seen me feeling more disconnected than ever. I have been blogging more and more and building up a profile in social media circles, which is great and it is fun. But it does not and cannot replace my real life relationships. This year, due to many ridiculous health things, I have had less people in my home, I have been to less people’s houses, I have made less friends than usual. The playgroup I had been involved in for seven years folded, the entire group moving on. I have not really seen or heard of these women since. It has left me a bit blue. I am feeling a bit on the outer edge of a lot of social circles. I wish I was the kind of person who could just jump on in and join the party, but, I am careful and measured and a bit… reserved…
But, all in all. I am OK. And I am grateful to be OK. Really. I am so grateful for a wonderful supportive husband, beautiful children, loving and caring family and awesome friends. I am grateful for dreams and opportunities and first world problems like not having internet for a few days, or nail polish that just won’t come off.
Life for B is cool. I could just use a bit more IRL time with people, which my failing internet has helped me with!
RUOK?
Really?
If you are not okay…
Here are my tried and tested tips…
1) Talk to someone. If they don’t ask how you are – tell them.
2) Go to your doctor. Sooner rather than later.
3) Get early morning sunlight. This is medical, sunlight at a low angle is AMAZING for mood boosting.
4) Get some exercise {combine it with #3!}
5) Allow yourself to just be. Whether that be doing something you love, being with someone you love or going somewhere you love.
6) Give yourself a break – whatever that means for you.
7) Get involved in something outside of your home.
I’m glad you’re ok, it’s been a challenging year. Hope that things are looking up, and that the beauty of spring cheers you up ;o)
I think sometimes how you project or show yourself to the world also plays a part. I have not had depression but have had a few rough days here and there. But because I always brush things off or act like my world is cruising along then others don’t connect that i might need a chat or need i someone to give me a hand. I do like your tips to get yourself out of the rut. Your mother’s group loss is the blogger reader ‘s gain. I have only found your blog in the last few weeks but it’s fast becoming one of my favourites. I hope R U OK today.
Feeling slightly guilty I didn’t ask if you were OK now, except this day is kind of only a blip on my radar which soon faded to the great sounds of wailing teething triplet babies… Anyhoo, we texted today, which is practically talking, is it not? And we almost met in person, but next week – we shall meet again. And if you EVER need IRL, I’m mostly here, and always happy to have my favourite B to chat too. (And feel free to tell me to shut up asking questions about blogging.) BUT great raw honest post. Love your bravery. xxx
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I’m glad you are ok B – being ok doesn’t mean that everythings ok and it doesnt mean that you dont still need people to ask if you are ok. If you don’t feel ok and I haven’t asked you then tell me because I do care.
I haven’t written a post for RUOK this year although I did last year. I thought about it and I know what I would write but somehow it seemed too hard and not for sharing just now. I am trying to read as many stories as possible though, particularly the ones by people I’ve grown to know and care for like yourself.
It’s an amazing concept and one that I’d like to help bring to the UK at some point.
I’m lucky that I have people who regularly ask me if I’m ok. I wish that everyone were as lucky as me.
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I haven’t had anyone ask if I’m ok today either. And I haven’t asked anyone. I think – generally speaking – RUOK is a great concept. It’s true, though, that if you’re not online a lot (like I wasn’t today) it can be a bit of a blip on the radar. I hope I keep close-ish enough tabs on my peeps to know if something is up. For instance, I’ll see you tomorrow and will find out if you ROK! I could certainly do better though.
I think, as a campaign, it’s a good way to remind people to check in on their people. But it’s also a reminder that really keeping in touch is about more than texting four letters. I mean, I ask ‘how are you?’ eleventy billion times a day and I doubt many people would use that as a prompt to say, ‘well, actually…’ But it’s starting the conversation that is so important and if RUOK does that, then awesome sauce!
…and if anyone had asked me RUOK? The answer would be: Yes. But I’d be even better if I could get my freakin’ melons sorted out
I hope you really are ok. Rachel xx
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So, normally I just comment on facebook about your blogs, but today I thought I would actually join in! I was so happy to see you today at mums, it’s always seems ages between catch-ups and then I vow to make it a more regular occurence. Which life seems to get in the way of, and we find ourselves running into each other during child drop offs at Omas. I’m glad you’re ok, I think you’re very brave and smart (mabye just a bit snobby!?!? LOL) and I love our conversations about all manner of things, usually current ‘eating plans’ that we are trying to follow, sigh….. Anyway, hope you have a good day today and enjoy catching up with some of your other real friends too. Hope the hoons didn’t keep you awake too long last night either…..
I hear you regarding the online life taking away from the offline relationships. The more I build my online presence, the less I connect with people one-on-one. As a result, I have started attending two activities with Mr3 each week. Afterwards we go and have coffee or play in the park with others. It’s so important to make the effort to get out and about because I am such a homebody I could live my life almost within these four walls. I promise to check up on you at random times. It’s not just for one day that we should be asking RUOK?
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Hey B, No one asked me if I was Ok yesterday either… and I too was kinda surprised. I have just weaned off Zoloft, looking to naturally control my depression, have 3 yo twins who are going thru a crazy stage, have had the flu for a week and am about to go on a 3 week road trip…. And noone asked me if i was OK. And Im kinda not. I think RUOK day is nice in theory adn its lovely advertising and marketing and whatever, but at the end of the day, I don’;t think it makes people actually ask someone if they are frickin OK.
x x x
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You are always welcome to come and visit me… I’ve been a shut-in most of the year due to my health and misery does love company
Depression is a bugger and I have struggled with it one and off for years, both the postnatal kind and the chronic pain kind. Hope you start having a better year and that you can start to get back in touch with people IRL as well as online <3
Thanks Anita… It is strange that so many of us have struggled with these things – yet we actually live so close to each other. Depression is an awful isolator! Sigh…
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
Strangely enough, sometimes the most support come from those the furthest away. I found some well meaning family had no idea and their solution for me was to just go outside and enjoy the fresh air…. which is a lovely idea but not so simple! Sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance or response to internal stimulus and no amount of lovely scenery can fix that
My house may be chaotic but you and your littlies are always welcome to share the chaos!
Again the offer is there if you ever want to pop over
Oh yes… family… they can be the best support but also the most UNhelpful… Sigh…
Thanks for the offer! That is really sweet of you!
Such a beautiful, honest, HELPFUL post. I know what it’s like to be OK but have a million other things which can sometimes make you feel not-so-OK. I’m doing all of the things you have listed there, especially getting out in the morning sunlight and going for a really brisk walk. It’s true – it makes me feel amazing afterwards. xx
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